Every time I've played at Midland Sporting Complex we have been stuck on the far ground over by the houses. I get tired going over there, it's too far. And by the time I get back someone has taken may can of mid strength. The people at Midland Shire must have heard about and shared my angst. Their response was to make the two small grounds into one f*&^ing huge ground. At least it is facing North - South. My issue is that South is in Midland with the North end somewhere in Jane Brook.
As the (apparently) appointed scribe for this season my job was made more difficult by the selection committee riding roughshod over the selection policy. Policy states that positions can be chosen according to the order of arrival. Having not read the communications regarding fixtures I arrived ninety minutes early ensuring I was first there and thus locking in "half forward flank with the odd run in the guts". To my dismay I started on the bench and when I was finally required I found my way into a position called "back pocket" which is where I thought one's wallet goes. I spent half of the afternoon running around like a the proverbial decapitated fowl with David Rodan lookalikes blurring past (surely there was more than one!) Anyway, it is hard to commentate on the half of the game in that other time zone but I'll try.
Swampy - first. I won't forget you this time. Wants a run in the forward line but is Matthew Scarlett at full back. Chased David Rodan for 100m up the members wing. Started 5m behind and only lost another 34m.
Muddy - Biccies says his first kick took a divot the size of the super pit. Couldn't see that far with the Hubble, have to take your word for it.
Stacky - very Karmichael Hunt. Those with K.Hunt in their dream team (bargain) will know what I mean. 9 points.
Mick - kicked two, missed one. Seriously Mick, is that the best you can do, kick a point? Give me something to work with here.
Wayno - has reinvented himself as a full forward. Used to be an Elvis impersonator.
Buzz - was that a trip? No, just feet too big, nice tumble. Biccies didn't fall for it.
Bodes - busy day, it's not basketball you know. Not sure how you dribble a football but seemed to manage.
Rambo - busy day, it's not basketball you know. Not sure how you dribble a football but seemed to manage.
Bater - Bater?....... BAAATTERRRR ..... Centre half back's in Viveash, can't hear me.
Spacko - seemingly untroubled by the broad expanses. Got there late, left early so we didn't see him gasping.
Jock - brought his own cheer squad again. This time the kids took exception to me comparing him to a hairy nosed wombat.
Noodles - impact player. A livewire in the forward line line a cross between Alan Didak and porridge.
Alex - also brought his own cheer squad too. Skilled and capable on the field, punching above his weight off it.
Wacka - good solid game, good hands, nothing for me to work with. Even his beloved Eagles aren't as funny as they were last year.
Richo - social ineptitude is no barrier to this brilliant skillful footballer.
Cuz - crashing packs and losing friends - white line fever. Has issues.
Langers - a complex man: Pythagoras, Chris Judd, Ron Barassi and Baby John Burgess in one person.
Robbo - every team needs a small rover type. Makes us all feel old by looking like he should still be playing colts. Like Alex, punching above his weight
Dozer - angered the opposition. Has a real name but I forgot it already, it might be Bull or D9.
Chesty - enforcer. Tough and rugged back man. A man of few words apart from the odd :f*&^ing do that again c*&^ and I'll f*&^%ing slaughter you.
Harps - whoever did the board forgot Harps so we called him Hillsy for the day. An unusually high number of ground level possessions for Hillsy
Paves - solid all day. I think I saw him fumble again but it might have been Buzz. Hard to tell from 6057 and they look so alike.
Coops - Hugh Hefner. Wingman for hire (hey, that works on two levels), gets results. Not a and footballer either, a good day on the field.
Nick - our answer to the Pav. Mobile big man, like Buzz but mobile.
Biccies - a good footballer for an umpire.
Tiny - a shit selector in the Andrew Hilditch mould
Next game is Sunday May 15th vs Southern Saints at Rushton Park in Mandurah
Last Modified on 06/05/2011 01:19