Why Do Kids Hate The Ride Home?

It's a common theme... the over passionate parent and the post-match dissection no matter what the age of the athlete.  But perhaps there are some things better left unsaid and there could be a lot more care and consideration given to the timing of such things.  The article below suggests ways in which to turn the car ride home into a positive experience and keep it that way...

 

Please Note: All information featured in this article has been kindly borrowed from the following source link: http://aktive.org.nz/Aktive-Lab/Good-Sports/News-Feed/why-do-kids-hate-the-ride-home

 

Why Do Kids Hate The Ride Home?

Picture the scene. It’s the weekend, the sun is shining and you are standing on the sideline at your child’s sporting event, and the game is not going to plan – well maybe not to your plan. The team is getting beat on the scoreboard, there’s not much time left in the game and all of a sudden your child is substituted off.

Why has your child been substituted? Is your child feeling ok? Has the coach subbed your child off because of poor performance? Is it because they just missed a pass? Should your child have done more? You now have 101 questions in your head which you need answered . . . as soon as you get in the car.

The car ride home has been highlighted by children across the globe as one the worst aspects of playing sport.

Why?  Because many parents use the time to fire a barrage of questions to relive and analyse the match, as well as teach, preach, criticize and critique the players, their child, and the officials. No matter how well intentioned, the car ride home is not the time to interrogate your child. It can cause resentment, crush their confidence and result in your son or daughter questioning why they even play.

Below are some typical questions that are asked by parents on the car ride home after a game. Have you ever used any of these, or something similar, with your son or daughter?

Doubting Their Effort

“You didn’t seem like you were playing 100% today? Are you ok?”
“I have seen you play so much better than you did today – what’s wrong?”


Stating the Obvious

“If only you didn’t miss that pass.”
“Too bad that you didn’t get that tackle.”


Highlighting Worst-Case Scenarios
“After today’s performance, do you think you’ll make the team next week?”
“Did the coach substitute you off because he doesn’t think you’re any good?”


The reality is your child has probably already started to reflect their own performance, including beating themselves up for mistakes made. So if anything, they don’t need their effort questioned, or to be reminded of their mistakes or pulled into a negative hypothetical situation, when all they really need, is your positive support.

Here are our suggestions to make the journey home more enjoyable.


1. Let Your Child Initiate the Conversation
Most children are usually emotionally and physically fatigued following their game. Some may need to unwind and digest the match in their own time or not want to talk about anything at all. Others may be totally comfortable talking about the game – especially if it was a good one.  No matter, we suggest that ideally, you let your child start and end the conversation when they are ready. If you are not sure, ask your child whether they want to talk about their game and respect their answer. 


2.  Limit Your Questions
That’s not to say that the car ride home has to be done in complete silence. 

 If you do want to open up a conversation with your child, limit your question to “How did you feel about the game?” 


Asking your child how they felt about the game is a great way for parents to open up an impartial conversation. Importantly though, this is not the time to probe further. Just listen carefully to your child’s feedback and raise any important information later for when you can have a more meaningful conversation.


3. Be Their Biggest Fan
“I really like watching you play. That tackle you made on number 10 in the first half was fantastic.”

Regardless of how they played, provide your child with unconditional support and genuine praise. Be their biggest fan and supporter, during the good times and especially the bad. Providing your child with feedback on how proud you are of them can make them feel like a million dollars. If things have been tough, help them see the bigger picture and let them know that the outcome of one game does not determine all their future successes. 


4. Acknowledge Their Effort

“I saw you try that pass today, the one you have been practicing. Well done, it was great to see you try it.”
“Hey well done today, you looked like you were trying your hardest out there.”


Children love to know that you saw them try their best, even if they didn’t win. They get a great sense of pride when they know that you have watched them, and you have seen them try to do something that they have been practicing, particularly when it comes off in a game. Acknowledging this and explaining to them that you saw this happen, and that all of the hard work and practicing has paid off, will be music to their ears.

Remember if you knock or doubt effort, children will often give up and not bother trying as hard next time.  If you can focus on the effort they gave and acknowledge them for it, then this will go a long way to helping them build mental toughness and a never give-up attitude. 


Every child is different, but we’re confident they’ll appreciate you taking on board our tips to make it a great ride home, by stopping the interrogation and simply letting them play and enjoy their game. Remember children primarily play sport to have fun and hang out with their mates.  They are not professional athletes – it’s a time for them to learn and develop in their sport. Even a simple hug or high-five after each game will let them know you are their biggest fan.



About Good Sports 
Good Sports is a new initiative designed to create a positive sports environment for children ages 7-13 years old in order to encourage life-long participation. It is a pilot project being trialed across eight Auckland locations over two years.

Ensuring Kiwi kids have positive sporting experiences has lasting and wide-ranging benefits to those children and their communities, and parents are the biggest key to that. 

The support from Good Sports extends beyond parents however, to coaches and community sport leaders. That support helps those adults understand and identify the needs of children whilst meeting the expectations of all participants in community sport. 

Good Sports ultimately encourages all children to express themselves and enjoy every aspect of the sports they play.

Led by Aktive - Auckland Sport & Recreation, Good Sports is primarily funded by Sport New Zealand and supported by New Zealand Community Trust, Massey University and AUT.

For more information please contact Hamish Rogers, Project Manager
E: hamish.rogers@aktive.org.nz 
P: 0220435682

 

For media enquires please contact Andy Rogers 
E: andy.rogers@aktive.org.nz 
P: 021 241 5804

 

 



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