2009 Round 1 Review


                                                    Round 1 (Masters)

Intensity was the focus word all week in the lead up to this game. Previous clashes with Springwood have been physical encounters and this was no exception.

The opposition showed. They were a muscular bunch with untamed facial hair and the glint of madness in their eyes. And so were their husbands, for that matter, from what I could tell as they emerged from the change rooms.

An angry Burger marshalled the troops into some vigorous pre-game drills. A vicious collision between team mates during the warm ups provided an early sign of commitment to the contest. It has also renewed calls to petition the league to allow teams to remove cataracts between quarters at Masters level.

Slim cheerfully volunteered to stroll water for the game and even managed to share some at one point with the players.

Melon and Jenko controlled the airways whilst the likes of Mary, Will and Floater were busy at ground level. Kanga, relishing his decision to put off bathing for a month, was able to find permanent space on the wings and as a result became a factor.

Despite these efforts, a fuming Burger could not be consoled. Still angry from an earlier incident (he never did receive that X-mas train set his parents promised him at age 14), Burger proceeded to unleash a half time barrage upon the Masters boys. A spray that the half dozen or so players at the club that don't have hearing difficulties will never forget.

He was later seen shouting abuse at a cloud before driving over a group of cub scouts and declaring war on Poland.

Those stirring words achieved their desired result as the boys lifted their intensity once more. The resultant effort saw Floater involved in an ugly head clash. That is to say his ugly head clashed with one of their ugly heads and stitches would be required.

Dead on their feet come siren time, the lads held on grimly for a win by the barest of margins. Still, for mine, the hardest working bloke for us never took the field.

Frances the physio, was introduced early to Haema. They shook hands before the game, thus requiring Frances to start work right away massaging Haemas' newly injured hand. And from there, the two were inseparable, with Haema spending so much time lying motionless on the sideline that Frances was forced to erect scaffolding around him.

A good solid effort, first up for the boys.

                                                    -Round 1 (Supers)-

With the dust not long settled on the Masters victory, Non-Playing coach 'Princess' arrived shoulder high, carried across a trail of peeled grape skins and rose petals.

The boys jumped out to an early lead with Sass kicking the first two goals of the game, thus taking him to the top of the clubs all-time leading goalkicking list (Note: Records only go back as far as 1912, when Alex purchased his first pen).

Kingy was causing more than his fair share of headaches out of the middle and Springwood immediately put the call out to "Shut down the bald guy!". Which worked in our favour for a short time until the second message "No, not him, the talented one!" meant a mass exodus of players from my immediate vicinity.

Boner and Ant both found themselves in early skirmishes which would only serve to fan the flames of much larger things to come.

Skull snapped a nice goal off his right boot late in the first term which capped off a day of firsts for him. It was the first time he had ever turned up to a game wearing the club colours (perhaps in direct response to his elevation to the leadership group) and had apparently earlier been seen walking past a polished surface without stopping to check out his reflection.  Though this is still yet to be verified.

Just on Skull, let's take this opportunity  to clear up a few points of interest surrounding his involvement in the unsightly fracas that occurred in the dying stages of the game.

An angry, post-tackle reaction from Cam (which would result in his send off), lead to a brief exchange between the two clubs. This would further boil over when Skull arrived to impose himself upon the scene. It has since been suggested that Skull had perhaps only inflamed the situation by being a little bit late on the scene. This is largely unsubstantiated and the fact that the two blokes he jumped on had already showered and changed by the time he got there, should be considered largely misleading as evidence.

Secondly, there was criticism that the rest of the team were a little slow to get involved when a number of Springwood players were remonstrating with Skull. For the record, with at least 4 of their players jumping on him it was felt that they probably had the situation under control and didn't need our help.

The siren sounded to post a 50 point win for The Sharks and amongst our best were Kingy, Ant, Steve and Sass.

Other highlights included:

  • Hugh, the lightest player in our clubs history, making his debut. In the lead up to the game Hughey was able to add some much needed bulk to his frame (in fact doubling his weight) by choosing to wear sunscreen.
  • Wheels leading the post-game celebrationary singing of the song wearing only the hardest working towel in the business. Never before has the collective will of a football team been so focused as to keep that towel in place.
  • The spunky Igor kicking a goal from what Alex once dubbed "The Impossible Pocket". I don't wish to dwell too long on this goal, especially with the documentary about it nearing completion but I've been repeatedly asked to confirm just how tight in the pocket I was. Let's just say rumours that the backswing of my leg knocked an ashtray off the bar, are of course, completely true.

Well done boys. See you in Round 3.


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